He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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