its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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