why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
