Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
