Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
