The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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