Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
