smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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