Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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