Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
