Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
