Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
