I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
