The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
