Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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