Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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