The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
