Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
