I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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