At least make sure they are 18
Why
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
