Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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