i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
