Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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