I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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