I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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