I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
