Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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