Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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