Cold hands, warm shart.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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