She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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