Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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