His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
