It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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