you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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