I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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