my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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