I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
