Swine flu. Run for my life!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I supernannyed him into submission
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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