So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
