My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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