That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
