I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
