I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
