coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
