i permit you to call me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
