Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
