i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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