shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
