I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think your dad took our porno
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
