Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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