FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We don't watch enough power rangers
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
