There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
