My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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